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Jokes
03-09-2008 kl. 18:00
Jeg syntes vi burde have lidt at grine af herinde, så derfor smider jeg lige nogle (gamle) jokes op. I har sikkert hørt dem før, men derfor kan det være godt med et billigt grin engang i mellem smiling smiley
Hvis i har andre som i vil dele herinde, så kom frisk smiling smiley


Der var engang en mand, der var meget glad for at spille fodbold. En dag kom han til at tænke på, at når han engang døde, om der så var fodbold i himlen. Han besluttede sig for at finde ud af det. Han opsøgte en præst, og spurgte så ham om det. Præsten sagde, at han lige ville kontakte Gud, og spørge ham om det. Manden skulle så kigge forbi et par dage senere.
Et par dage senere kom manden hen til præsten igen og spurgte, om han havde fundet ud af det. Præsten sagde: ”Jeg har en god og en dårlig nyhed. Den gode er, at der er fodbold i himlen. Den dårlige nyhed er, at du er sat på hold til på lørdag."


Det er en sørgelig dag. En FCK-fan ligger for døden på rigshospitalet. Så han kontakter formanden for FCKFC. "Jeg vil gerne konvertere....til Brøndby-fan" udtaler FCK'eren. "Men hvorfor??" Spørger formanden. "Jo, for det er sgu' da bedre der er et at de svin der dør end en af os!!"


AAB´s træner kom op til gud og bad inderligt om et mesterskab mere. GUD svarede: det bliver ikke i din regeringsperiode. Så kom Esbjergs træner op og bad inderligt om en sejr. Gud svarede: det bliver ikke i din regeringsperiode.
Så kom AGFs træner op og bad om at AGF kunne få et mesterskab for at lægge en dæmper på alt det hurlumhej der er om krisen. Hvortil Gud svarede: Det bliver ikke i MIN regeringsperiode.
(HAHA)

(kilde: [www.soccermania.dk])


Q: How can you tell ET is a Rangers fan?
A: Because he looks like one.


David Beckham walks into a sperm donor bank,
"I'd like to donate some sperm" he says to the receptionist.
"Certainly Sir" replies the receptionist, "have you donated before?".
"Yes" replies Beckham "you should have my details on your computer".
"Oh yes, I've found your details" says the receptionist "but I see you're going to need help. Shall I call Posh Spice for you?"
"Why do I need help?" asks Beckham. The receptionist replies
"Well David, it says on your record that you're a useless wanker...."


Brøndby IF takker nej tak til en sponseraftale med Jyske Bank: " Den slags får vi masser af i forvejen"


Hvad gør Brøndby efter de har vundet mesterskabet i SAS ligaen.?
SVAR: Slukker playstationen og går i seng..!!


En blind mand går ind på en bar og bestiller en Carlsberg.
Efter lidt tid siger han til bartenderen,
"Vil du høre en FCK-vittighed?"
Øjeblikkeligt bliver der HELT stille. I en dyb dæmpet stemme siger manden ved siden af ham,
"Dette her er en FCK bar! Før du fortæller den vittighed er der fem ting du skal vide:
1. Bartenderen er FCK fan
2. Udsmideren er FCK fan
3. Jeg er en 150 kg's FCK fan og er mester i brydning
4. Manden ved siden af dig er FCK fan og vægtløfter
5. Manden på din anden side er FCK fan og professionel bokser
Nåh, har du stadigvæk lyst til at fortælle den FCK-vittighed??"
Den blinde mand tager en slurk af sin øl, så siger han,
"Næææ, så skal jeg jo forklare den fem gange!".


Hvad er ligheden med en sædcelle, og en AGF fan?
Kun én ud af en milion bliver til noget.


Og så lige en lidt langt engelsk vits:

Alex Ferguson is curious how Arsenal reached the double last year, so he decides on a visit to London to see how Arsene Wenger coaches his team. After one day he is not really impressed by the training practices, so he asks Wenger how he gets his players so sharp. 'Well it is simple. I sometimes ask my players a difficult question, and that way they stay really sharp mentally'. Of course Fergie wants an example, so Wenger asks Bergkamp to come over to the sidelines. He asks: 'Dennis, he is not your brother, but still he is your father's son. Who is he?' 'That is not difficult', Dennis answers immediately, 'Of course that is me'. 'You see? That's the way you keep them sharp', Wenger says to Fergie. Ferguson, who wants to win the double also, decides to bring this into Manchester United's practice the next day. He calls David Beckham over to the sidelines. 'David, I have a question for you', he says, 'He is not your brother, but still he is your father's son, who is he?' 'My God, Coach', is the Spice Boy's reply, 'That is a tough one to answer, can I sleep on that one night, and why do you ask me these questions?' Fergie explains it has to do with some continental coaching trick and agrees with the one night postponement. So that night Beckham decides to call Jaap Stam. He has played on the continent, maybe he knows something about these continental coaching methods. 'Jaap, maybe you know the answer to this question, he is not your brother, but still he is your father's son. Who is he?' 'That is easy, that is me!', says Jaap Stam. So the next day David walks full of confidence to Ferguson. Fergie asks: 'David, do you know the answer to my question now?'. 'Yes it was actually very easy', he says, 'Is it Jaap Stam?' Ferguson answers: 'No of course not you stupid b*****d. It's Dennis Bergkamp.


Q: Why do housewives love Arsenal?
A: Because they stay on top for ages and come second!


Q: Hvor mange AGF fans skal der til at skifte en el-pære?
A: Antallet er underordnet. De vil alligevel aldrig se lyset!


En talent-spejder fra Brøndby vender hjem efter en tur til Bosnien, og anbefaler varmt et ungt talent han har set.
Brøndby træner Køhlert er desperat efter nyt talent, og skriver kontrakt med knægten med det samme.
Han ankommer, og skal sidde på bænken mod Viborg. Brøndby er bagud 2-0 da der mangler 10 minutter og knægten fra Bosnien bliver sat ind. Han er eminent og scorer 3 gange, så Brøndby vinder 3-2.
Efter kampen ringer han hjem og siger: "Mor, det gik fantastisk! Jeg lavede Hattrick!!"
"Det var da godt søn, men her har vi haft den værste dag i vores liv!" svarer moderen.
"Din far er blevet skudt, din søster er blevet voldtaget og vores hus er blevet brændt ned!"
"Det er jeg godt nok ked af" svarer drengen.
"Ja det burde du også være!", siger moderen, "Det var din idé at flytte til Brøndby!!"



A Rangers and Celtic fan get into a nasty car accident. Both vehicles are really wrecked, but amazingly neither of them are hurt.

After they crawl out of their cars, the Celtic fan says, "So you're a Rangers fan, that's interesting. I'm a Celtic fan... Wow! Just look at our cars. There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace the rest of our days."

The Rangers fan replied,"Totally agree - this must be a sign from God!" The Rangers fan went on, "And look at this - here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of whisky didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink it, to celebrate the fact we are alive and kicking?"

He hands the bottle to the Celtic fan who nods his head in agreement, opens it and takes few big swigs from the bottle, then hands it back to the Rangers fan. The Rangers fan takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands back to the Celtic fan. The Celtic fan asks, "Aren't you having any?" The Rangers fan replies, "Nah...I think I'll just wait for the police......"

(kilde: [www.fmfreaks.dk])



Ændret 2 gange. Sidst ændret den 03-09-2008 kl. 18:01 af S-Filter.
Re: Jokes
18-12-2014 kl. 15:14
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